#9 Leonardo

I ended up dating a guy I met on the free site. I canceled my membership on that other one because I didn’t like the service and I wasn’t seeing any real options there. I’ll call number nine, Leo, for short. Okay, so admittedly he is being named after one of my biggest crushes of all time, the actor, Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo and I talked or texted, rather, for a few weeks before we were finally able to find a good time to meet up. He is gorgeous in his pictures, owns his own company, and seemed intelligent, creative, and passionate, all the right ingredients for my perfect guy.

I met him at a restaurant where he was going to be doing the sound for a band that was playing that night. He walked in and I melted in my seat at the bar. I wasn’t sure if I should wave or wait for him to see me, so I played it coy and stayed at the bar having my drink. He came up beside me, our shoulders touching, said hello, and told me I could order anything because it would be on the house anyway. Leo is this gorgeous Latino man with beautiful brown eyes and the most charismatic smile. He was wearing a black fedora and pin-striped shirt under a black vest. So sexy! I couldn’t believe that a guy like this wanted to go out with me, but here I was, so I better bring it. Next thing I knew, he was up there with the band playing the steel drum and other percussion including the cow bell. It was awesome! He was also singing and has the most beautiful voice. I finally got up and danced. I danced on my own until this old, drunk, Peruvian man wanted to dance with me. I obliged, as that is the most lady-like action to take, but then I had to dance with him a couple more times and finally push him off of me at the end of the night. I was hoping that Leo had seen all my hot moves, and that made it worth the hassle.

The band finished and Leo danced a little with me before helping to put away all of the equipment. When we were outside, he invited me to his house, but I declined because it was late. I was sad that he didn’t kiss me, but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. We hadn’t interacted much because I basically visited him at work. I had the biggest crush on him and hoped that we would get to spend more quality time together.

He did contact me again and we made plans. We went out to a Latin dance club for the night, but mainly to meet up with a friend of his. Neither of us are big on going out and do enjoy spending time at home, making good food, having a beverage, listening to music or watching a movie. That is another quality that really attracts me to Leo. We were definitely the hottest couple at the club and had a good time dancing and carrying on. I spent the night at his house that night and after that, we ended up spending a lot of time together. He actually wanted me to stay over and have breakfast the next day! It was so different for me. The last guy I dated was completely casual, so there was no having breakfast or running errands together or anything like that. I suffered from some major anxiety at first, but I wanted to work through it and Leo was okay with all of my emotions. He is one of the most intelligent people I’ve met in a while and he cares deeply about the world. His music talents are unsurpassed by anyone else I personally know. He even likes to cook for us! He is so impressive to me. I feel like I’ve finally “met my match.”

What I’ve also noticed about Leo is how angry he is . . . most of the time. I’ve never really considered that my partner may be as emotional as me, maybe in different ways, or even that this person would have their own issues. It was an eye opener for me because I’ve always held incredibly high standards for my own evolution, not even considering that this person and I could become better people together, through each other’s strife and strides. I quickly learned that Leo was planning on moving out of the state or even the country. Why did I meet him at this time? That was the big question. I knew I met him for a reason, but I didn’t know what. I was in a fantasy thinking that maybe we would could fall in love and I could move away to a quiet beach with him and not worry about anything. I do have some concerns and/or uncertainties, but I keep ignoring them. I’m not ready to wake up from my dream.

Revamped

I’m back ladies and gentlemen! I’ve joined two new dating sites with new pictures and a new slant on the profile. I’ve realized that your online image can be as dynamic as anyone can be in real life, it just reads differently, literally! I can already tell that I don’t really like the new site I’m paying for. There’s this whole coin system and I get mostly men out of my area contacting me, which is a complete waste of my time. I seem to prefer the free site. I don’t know that the guys are that much sleazier because I seem to find that everywhere 😉 I don’t feel as optimistic as I once was, however I will manage to perk up my attitude and meet some new men.
I’ve exchanged numbers with two guys and neither has been anything too desirable. They are both physically hot and that is probably why they both instantly wanted me to “come over.” You know how I feel about this red flag! So two strikes thus far, I might as well go for three. Haha. Well it is still a challenge as you can see, but I will stay strong and keep dreaming of my prince in shining armor. I can’t be too serious about my lack of progress because in this scenario, it’s turning out that quantity may be the true test in my search to find that one man of quality.
I need to open back up to the idea of love, of being loving and lovable. The search can dampen the spirit, but it will not break one’s heart. The up side to rejection in the virtual world is that you never really knew them to begin with, so when parting there is really no sweet sorrow. This is where we are at as a society. I’m hoping to create that “bumping into” someone that doesn’t always happen on its own. By the way, if anyone has figured out the answer to this equation of love, I’d be happy to be study partners. Good luck out there to all of the singles! United we stand!

I’m On Strike!

It has been almost three months since my last post. One might think that I’ve dried up and given up, but not me! I just so happen to be on strike. That’s right. Even though I remain a wonderful bachelorette that any man would be stupid not to snatch up, I have not been making myself available. I went out with #8 and he doesn’t even get a made up name. He is a number and no more. Another bad date with some new highlights, or lowlights? I don’t know. What can I say? These men continue to shock me with unattractive behavior. I did not connect at all with #8. First of all, he changed plans on me and picked me up with his car rather than meeting me to walk, as we had discussed. He probably wanted to show off his Mercedes. Here is a little secret, you are going to need a lot more to back it up than that. He gave me some story about how his company is “on hold” due to his partner’s divorce settlement…. Whatever. He did not let go of his e-cig, the whole time! Finally, he tried to impress me by telling me how he is good friends with Tom Green, yeah the one from the 90’s that Drew Barrymore married for a minute. Not impressed, #8!

After that date, I was so disappointed with my options that I decided to strike. It happened to be perfect timing that my subscription would expire in a few days. I decided to cancel my membership for the time being. It is also quite suspect that as soon as I canceled, the action started up again. I had no interest from anyone in about a month and I cancel and boom! All the men want me now? Very sneaky. I won’t mention the name of the site, but I could feel them trying to lure my so-called desperate heart back with new hope…. nice marketing strategy. That’s when I decided to strike. I don’t like these guys that I’m meeting. I’m not even sure that these dating sites allow you to see all the men that are really out there. The one guy I met and liked was a huge player. (I have to admit I even started dating him again casually and then came to my senses. I will not be someone’s play thing!) By that point, I had no interest in going on another date.

I am still on the free dating site. I have not spent any time there because I became uninterested. I do want to find my life partner, and no I’m not referring to my best girlfriend I went to a wedding with. When the time is right, I will venture back into dating. Right now I just feel like no one is going to get any goodies from me. I need to get some fresh air before I delve back in to this challenge. Besides, life brought me other things to deal with and sometimes enough is enough! I’m thinking the strike may be over by the end of this month. No promises or anything.

#7 Ricardo

I met my first Craig’s list … DEALER.  Thank goodness, I didn’t say killer!  I am clearly still here to tell the tale.  It was a first of so many firsts, my date actually did a Craig’s list deal during our date.  I could go in to the details of where he’s from and what he does, but it really doesn’t matter.  He even commented on this Craig’s list activity as being a possible “jerk” move.  I didn’t feel the need to validate him.  Luckily “the deal” wasn’t anything illegal or scary.  He was selling some type of automobile dog cage that he no longer needed.  I guess he needed to do what was convenient.  I, however, was able to carve out the whole hour and a half of awkwardness without any conflicting distractions.

He also had this kind of a stutter or something.  I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or what.  I would never ask.  He announced after an hour that he “thought this date would be going much better.”  He mentioned how he usually can “find his words” and that he seemed to be “off his game.”  I laughed it off in true Sage style.  At this, he suddenly thought the date had improved and went on to confide in me that he’s “usually so much more… ah what is it… charming!”  Hey, at least his deal went through because once again, I was not impressed and there would be no deal between the two of us.

He seemed to me a clueless soul and someone who would be better suited as a cute, cuddly, teddy bear type of friend.  I told him at the end of the date that I would see him again because he was kind of fun. (I know what am I doing?)  That was all ruined when he later tried communicating with me.  I didn’t like his style and didn’t even want to bother with another date.  I already knew the inevitable.  I have been thinking though… how about creating a way out?  A quick escape route planned with a friend, so that I could get out of these bad dates?  I seriously have got to make this happen!  I hope I’m not paying off years of bad karma or anything of equal or lesser doom.  I can take back the escape route idea if that’s too mean.

A Serious Meat Market

I am astounded by the amount of men on these dating sites that are truly just looking for an easy hook up with no interest in a serious relationship.  I fear that only guys that I have no attraction to will be those who are interested in the same thing that I am.  Now I just ask point blank at the first sign of a sex only encounter.  Are we really living in a time where no one is willing to put in any work to achieve a goal that is not related to money?  Is there a reward that one is willing to wait for?  Is anyone interested in learning about a person one on one rather than just through social media?

I’ve got it down to an art.  Within four texts and a photo message, I can tell whether or not he’s looking for anything other than an easy lay.  A picture of a penis is the most blatant sign.  Yeah, the ladies who have dated online know what I’m talking about.  The comment to “come over” is a blazing red flag.  Another winning line goes something like “Want to just have some fun?”  They act as if they are male and just can’t help it.  This also insinuates that a relationship is not fun.  There are just some things you have to establish as bare minimum requirements.  At least know my name, get to know a few of my interests, and take me out for a few meals.

I recently warded off a couple of these male types.  This online dating can be a real time commitment and I have no time to waste on these players.  I’m trying to be positive, but my faith in the opposite sex is waning.  I want to believe but it’s like those X-files…. No evidence and it’s only an unfounded theory.  From my personal investigation and experimentation, I have no evidence of this ideal that I am seeking.  Am I delusional?  Does love only happen in the movies?  Are my expectations of the male gender skewed?  I will continue on my journey, but I better start getting some of these answers.  I fear if I don’t, I will spiral into a lost state of aimless encounters and dissatisfaction.

#6 Troy

So last Wednesday, I met Troy.  He was a guy that sent a message that I let sit in my inbox for a while.  I was thinking “Okay, I’m going to go out with a guy that doesn’t necessarily wow me and see what happens.”  I decided to respond to him and we made plans to meet.  That sounds bad.  I just mean the average guy.  We didn’t do too much texting and that is my preference.  Sometimes it can be fun and an easy quickly gratifying flirtation, but mainly I just want to meet him in person and go from there.  I ended up coming down with a cold and of course the cough kicked in the day of our date.  I didn’t want to cancel and didn’t have very high hopes, so I threw all caution to the wind, and I went.

I walked past a guy outside and that was him.  It is like my subconscious mind told me it wasn’t him because I didn’t want that to be him.  I feel like these websites should put a disclaimer that says, “Men may appear smaller in real life than they do in a photo online.”  I’m not a big person and I come from a short line of folk in fact, but I want my man to be big enough to protect me from bears and crap!  Something more realistic might be telling a rude gawker to leave me alone or reaching up to the highest cabinet.  There was Troy.  Not that big.  Not that cute.  However, I will say, we had very thought stimulating conversation during which I was completely blunt and honest.  When he asked about my online dating experience, I said, “I just usually don’t like the guys.”  I couldn’t think of anything clever being sick and all.  It was also great how I was losing my voice more and more as we talked in the loud bar.  The conversation was great.  I had absolutely no interest in kissing him.

I finished my drink and he had another.  Apparently his car was broken down and he had driven one of those little rent-a-cars.  I guess there are boundaries of usage and he had to walk a few blocks.  At least he was willing to put in some work to see me!  We finished up and neither of us mentioned another date and I told him to “take care” and that was that.  I have a hard time imagining myself thinking, “Maybe I’ll learn to like him” because that feels so desperate and not like my personality.  It makes it hard, all these first dates, but why go on if there is no spark whatsoever?  I surprisingly heard from him via text but not to ask me out again.  That is fine by me.  I just figured my hoarse voice, sniffle, and blunt comments would have scared him off.  I replied with brief commentary and haven’t heard from him.  It’s all good.  I will soldier on!

Down in the Dumps, oh and #5 John

I’m having my first real moment of feeling down amidst this process in which I’m supposed to be happy and on my A-game.  I finally told Adam “to just forget about it.”  I tried dumping him over the phone and when he said, “So I guess I won’t call you again?” . . . I could not handle it.  I stopped him and said, “I don’t want to do this over the phone, let’s talk in person.”  As we all know, actions always speak louder than words.  As it turned out, we never were able to get that meeting together.  He wasn’t giving me the time someone who is interested is more than willing to give, and I could tell that anything I explained about how I felt would be for my benefit only.  Nothing I could say would make the situation any different.  I told him I was disappointed.  I could never tell where he was at anyway.  I mean, was he able to give me what I want and unwilling or not even able in the first place?

I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep going.  I do not want to give up, so I have really been doing some profile searching.  I’ve sent a few messages, but I don’t know what’s going on.  I’m just not connecting with anyone too interesting.  I know that things will ebb and flow, but I’m ready for some qualified bachelors here!  Maybe I should consider having that service re-write my profile.  Kidding!  I couldn’t.  I’m just not sure if mine best represents me.  I should have a girlfriend take a look and see what they say.  It’s kind of personal though.  I really haven’t shown mine to anyone I know.  I’ll see if I can muster up the courage.

Moving on . . . I met #5, John, Saturday afternoon for ice cream.  I do love ice cream, so I went for it.  I just didn’t feel anything with this guy.  No chemistry and he talked so much about himself that I was bored and unimpressed with all of his traveling stories.  I love it when people assume that everyone else lives their life just like them.  He asked me where I was going this summer for vacation.  I’m thinking, “Hello, why do you think I’m dating?  I need a guy who is willing to take me on an all-expense paid trip with him being my travel companion.”  I’d have to see if a friend could get off work, charge a plane ride, hope to stay with someone we know, and be willing to eat cereal rather than go out.  Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but partially true.  Later, he mentioned something about being part of the Gold Club, like mining for gold, and said that they are all “the good old boys” and that turned me off.  That is clearly not my club!  He also interrupted me during my spiel and started talking about something else.  I thought it a rude gesture.  Besides, living third person through a stranger’s stories is not my first choice for engaging with someone I’d like to get to know.  I want to talk about how the other feels about given subjects such as family, work, music, interests . . . am I crazy?  I like to keep some of those tales for another time when we are comparing stories and it is appropriate.

Maybe I just don’t get the whole puffing out the chest and shaking your tail feather for the opposite sex thing.  You know, like a peacock.  I want to be able to be silent in a room with someone and be able to feel the sizzle of energy and chemistry swirling between us.  I want the type of connection with someone where you don’t even need words, you can barely look anywhere else than directly in their eyes, time stops, and you notice nothing else.  Yeah time stopped alright, because I was wondering when he would eat some ice cream and stop talking.