#9 Leonardo

I ended up dating a guy I met on the free site. I canceled my membership on that other one because I didn’t like the service and I wasn’t seeing any real options there. I’ll call number nine, Leo, for short. Okay, so admittedly he is being named after one of my biggest crushes of all time, the actor, Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo and I talked or texted, rather, for a few weeks before we were finally able to find a good time to meet up. He is gorgeous in his pictures, owns his own company, and seemed intelligent, creative, and passionate, all the right ingredients for my perfect guy.

I met him at a restaurant where he was going to be doing the sound for a band that was playing that night. He walked in and I melted in my seat at the bar. I wasn’t sure if I should wave or wait for him to see me, so I played it coy and stayed at the bar having my drink. He came up beside me, our shoulders touching, said hello, and told me I could order anything because it would be on the house anyway. Leo is this gorgeous Latino man with beautiful brown eyes and the most charismatic smile. He was wearing a black fedora and pin-striped shirt under a black vest. So sexy! I couldn’t believe that a guy like this wanted to go out with me, but here I was, so I better bring it. Next thing I knew, he was up there with the band playing the steel drum and other percussion including the cow bell. It was awesome! He was also singing and has the most beautiful voice. I finally got up and danced. I danced on my own until this old, drunk, Peruvian man wanted to dance with me. I obliged, as that is the most lady-like action to take, but then I had to dance with him a couple more times and finally push him off of me at the end of the night. I was hoping that Leo had seen all my hot moves, and that made it worth the hassle.

The band finished and Leo danced a little with me before helping to put away all of the equipment. When we were outside, he invited me to his house, but I declined because it was late. I was sad that he didn’t kiss me, but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. We hadn’t interacted much because I basically visited him at work. I had the biggest crush on him and hoped that we would get to spend more quality time together.

He did contact me again and we made plans. We went out to a Latin dance club for the night, but mainly to meet up with a friend of his. Neither of us are big on going out and do enjoy spending time at home, making good food, having a beverage, listening to music or watching a movie. That is another quality that really attracts me to Leo. We were definitely the hottest couple at the club and had a good time dancing and carrying on. I spent the night at his house that night and after that, we ended up spending a lot of time together. He actually wanted me to stay over and have breakfast the next day! It was so different for me. The last guy I dated was completely casual, so there was no having breakfast or running errands together or anything like that. I suffered from some major anxiety at first, but I wanted to work through it and Leo was okay with all of my emotions. He is one of the most intelligent people I’ve met in a while and he cares deeply about the world. His music talents are unsurpassed by anyone else I personally know. He even likes to cook for us! He is so impressive to me. I feel like I’ve finally “met my match.”

What I’ve also noticed about Leo is how angry he is . . . most of the time. I’ve never really considered that my partner may be as emotional as me, maybe in different ways, or even that this person would have their own issues. It was an eye opener for me because I’ve always held incredibly high standards for my own evolution, not even considering that this person and I could become better people together, through each other’s strife and strides. I quickly learned that Leo was planning on moving out of the state or even the country. Why did I meet him at this time? That was the big question. I knew I met him for a reason, but I didn’t know what. I was in a fantasy thinking that maybe we would could fall in love and I could move away to a quiet beach with him and not worry about anything. I do have some concerns and/or uncertainties, but I keep ignoring them. I’m not ready to wake up from my dream.

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Revamped

I’m back ladies and gentlemen! I’ve joined two new dating sites with new pictures and a new slant on the profile. I’ve realized that your online image can be as dynamic as anyone can be in real life, it just reads differently, literally! I can already tell that I don’t really like the new site I’m paying for. There’s this whole coin system and I get mostly men out of my area contacting me, which is a complete waste of my time. I seem to prefer the free site. I don’t know that the guys are that much sleazier because I seem to find that everywhere 😉 I don’t feel as optimistic as I once was, however I will manage to perk up my attitude and meet some new men.
I’ve exchanged numbers with two guys and neither has been anything too desirable. They are both physically hot and that is probably why they both instantly wanted me to “come over.” You know how I feel about this red flag! So two strikes thus far, I might as well go for three. Haha. Well it is still a challenge as you can see, but I will stay strong and keep dreaming of my prince in shining armor. I can’t be too serious about my lack of progress because in this scenario, it’s turning out that quantity may be the true test in my search to find that one man of quality.
I need to open back up to the idea of love, of being loving and lovable. The search can dampen the spirit, but it will not break one’s heart. The up side to rejection in the virtual world is that you never really knew them to begin with, so when parting there is really no sweet sorrow. This is where we are at as a society. I’m hoping to create that “bumping into” someone that doesn’t always happen on its own. By the way, if anyone has figured out the answer to this equation of love, I’d be happy to be study partners. Good luck out there to all of the singles! United we stand!

I’m On Strike!

It has been almost three months since my last post. One might think that I’ve dried up and given up, but not me! I just so happen to be on strike. That’s right. Even though I remain a wonderful bachelorette that any man would be stupid not to snatch up, I have not been making myself available. I went out with #8 and he doesn’t even get a made up name. He is a number and no more. Another bad date with some new highlights, or lowlights? I don’t know. What can I say? These men continue to shock me with unattractive behavior. I did not connect at all with #8. First of all, he changed plans on me and picked me up with his car rather than meeting me to walk, as we had discussed. He probably wanted to show off his Mercedes. Here is a little secret, you are going to need a lot more to back it up than that. He gave me some story about how his company is “on hold” due to his partner’s divorce settlement…. Whatever. He did not let go of his e-cig, the whole time! Finally, he tried to impress me by telling me how he is good friends with Tom Green, yeah the one from the 90’s that Drew Barrymore married for a minute. Not impressed, #8!

After that date, I was so disappointed with my options that I decided to strike. It happened to be perfect timing that my subscription would expire in a few days. I decided to cancel my membership for the time being. It is also quite suspect that as soon as I canceled, the action started up again. I had no interest from anyone in about a month and I cancel and boom! All the men want me now? Very sneaky. I won’t mention the name of the site, but I could feel them trying to lure my so-called desperate heart back with new hope…. nice marketing strategy. That’s when I decided to strike. I don’t like these guys that I’m meeting. I’m not even sure that these dating sites allow you to see all the men that are really out there. The one guy I met and liked was a huge player. (I have to admit I even started dating him again casually and then came to my senses. I will not be someone’s play thing!) By that point, I had no interest in going on another date.

I am still on the free dating site. I have not spent any time there because I became uninterested. I do want to find my life partner, and no I’m not referring to my best girlfriend I went to a wedding with. When the time is right, I will venture back into dating. Right now I just feel like no one is going to get any goodies from me. I need to get some fresh air before I delve back in to this challenge. Besides, life brought me other things to deal with and sometimes enough is enough! I’m thinking the strike may be over by the end of this month. No promises or anything.

#7 Ricardo

I met my first Craig’s list … DEALER.  Thank goodness, I didn’t say killer!  I am clearly still here to tell the tale.  It was a first of so many firsts, my date actually did a Craig’s list deal during our date.  I could go in to the details of where he’s from and what he does, but it really doesn’t matter.  He even commented on this Craig’s list activity as being a possible “jerk” move.  I didn’t feel the need to validate him.  Luckily “the deal” wasn’t anything illegal or scary.  He was selling some type of automobile dog cage that he no longer needed.  I guess he needed to do what was convenient.  I, however, was able to carve out the whole hour and a half of awkwardness without any conflicting distractions.

He also had this kind of a stutter or something.  I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or what.  I would never ask.  He announced after an hour that he “thought this date would be going much better.”  He mentioned how he usually can “find his words” and that he seemed to be “off his game.”  I laughed it off in true Sage style.  At this, he suddenly thought the date had improved and went on to confide in me that he’s “usually so much more… ah what is it… charming!”  Hey, at least his deal went through because once again, I was not impressed and there would be no deal between the two of us.

He seemed to me a clueless soul and someone who would be better suited as a cute, cuddly, teddy bear type of friend.  I told him at the end of the date that I would see him again because he was kind of fun. (I know what am I doing?)  That was all ruined when he later tried communicating with me.  I didn’t like his style and didn’t even want to bother with another date.  I already knew the inevitable.  I have been thinking though… how about creating a way out?  A quick escape route planned with a friend, so that I could get out of these bad dates?  I seriously have got to make this happen!  I hope I’m not paying off years of bad karma or anything of equal or lesser doom.  I can take back the escape route idea if that’s too mean.

A Serious Meat Market

I am astounded by the amount of men on these dating sites that are truly just looking for an easy hook up with no interest in a serious relationship.  I fear that only guys that I have no attraction to will be those who are interested in the same thing that I am.  Now I just ask point blank at the first sign of a sex only encounter.  Are we really living in a time where no one is willing to put in any work to achieve a goal that is not related to money?  Is there a reward that one is willing to wait for?  Is anyone interested in learning about a person one on one rather than just through social media?

I’ve got it down to an art.  Within four texts and a photo message, I can tell whether or not he’s looking for anything other than an easy lay.  A picture of a penis is the most blatant sign.  Yeah, the ladies who have dated online know what I’m talking about.  The comment to “come over” is a blazing red flag.  Another winning line goes something like “Want to just have some fun?”  They act as if they are male and just can’t help it.  This also insinuates that a relationship is not fun.  There are just some things you have to establish as bare minimum requirements.  At least know my name, get to know a few of my interests, and take me out for a few meals.

I recently warded off a couple of these male types.  This online dating can be a real time commitment and I have no time to waste on these players.  I’m trying to be positive, but my faith in the opposite sex is waning.  I want to believe but it’s like those X-files…. No evidence and it’s only an unfounded theory.  From my personal investigation and experimentation, I have no evidence of this ideal that I am seeking.  Am I delusional?  Does love only happen in the movies?  Are my expectations of the male gender skewed?  I will continue on my journey, but I better start getting some of these answers.  I fear if I don’t, I will spiral into a lost state of aimless encounters and dissatisfaction.

#6 Troy

So last Wednesday, I met Troy.  He was a guy that sent a message that I let sit in my inbox for a while.  I was thinking “Okay, I’m going to go out with a guy that doesn’t necessarily wow me and see what happens.”  I decided to respond to him and we made plans to meet.  That sounds bad.  I just mean the average guy.  We didn’t do too much texting and that is my preference.  Sometimes it can be fun and an easy quickly gratifying flirtation, but mainly I just want to meet him in person and go from there.  I ended up coming down with a cold and of course the cough kicked in the day of our date.  I didn’t want to cancel and didn’t have very high hopes, so I threw all caution to the wind, and I went.

I walked past a guy outside and that was him.  It is like my subconscious mind told me it wasn’t him because I didn’t want that to be him.  I feel like these websites should put a disclaimer that says, “Men may appear smaller in real life than they do in a photo online.”  I’m not a big person and I come from a short line of folk in fact, but I want my man to be big enough to protect me from bears and crap!  Something more realistic might be telling a rude gawker to leave me alone or reaching up to the highest cabinet.  There was Troy.  Not that big.  Not that cute.  However, I will say, we had very thought stimulating conversation during which I was completely blunt and honest.  When he asked about my online dating experience, I said, “I just usually don’t like the guys.”  I couldn’t think of anything clever being sick and all.  It was also great how I was losing my voice more and more as we talked in the loud bar.  The conversation was great.  I had absolutely no interest in kissing him.

I finished my drink and he had another.  Apparently his car was broken down and he had driven one of those little rent-a-cars.  I guess there are boundaries of usage and he had to walk a few blocks.  At least he was willing to put in some work to see me!  We finished up and neither of us mentioned another date and I told him to “take care” and that was that.  I have a hard time imagining myself thinking, “Maybe I’ll learn to like him” because that feels so desperate and not like my personality.  It makes it hard, all these first dates, but why go on if there is no spark whatsoever?  I surprisingly heard from him via text but not to ask me out again.  That is fine by me.  I just figured my hoarse voice, sniffle, and blunt comments would have scared him off.  I replied with brief commentary and haven’t heard from him.  It’s all good.  I will soldier on!

Down in the Dumps, oh and #5 John

I’m having my first real moment of feeling down amidst this process in which I’m supposed to be happy and on my A-game.  I finally told Adam “to just forget about it.”  I tried dumping him over the phone and when he said, “So I guess I won’t call you again?” . . . I could not handle it.  I stopped him and said, “I don’t want to do this over the phone, let’s talk in person.”  As we all know, actions always speak louder than words.  As it turned out, we never were able to get that meeting together.  He wasn’t giving me the time someone who is interested is more than willing to give, and I could tell that anything I explained about how I felt would be for my benefit only.  Nothing I could say would make the situation any different.  I told him I was disappointed.  I could never tell where he was at anyway.  I mean, was he able to give me what I want and unwilling or not even able in the first place?

I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep going.  I do not want to give up, so I have really been doing some profile searching.  I’ve sent a few messages, but I don’t know what’s going on.  I’m just not connecting with anyone too interesting.  I know that things will ebb and flow, but I’m ready for some qualified bachelors here!  Maybe I should consider having that service re-write my profile.  Kidding!  I couldn’t.  I’m just not sure if mine best represents me.  I should have a girlfriend take a look and see what they say.  It’s kind of personal though.  I really haven’t shown mine to anyone I know.  I’ll see if I can muster up the courage.

Moving on . . . I met #5, John, Saturday afternoon for ice cream.  I do love ice cream, so I went for it.  I just didn’t feel anything with this guy.  No chemistry and he talked so much about himself that I was bored and unimpressed with all of his traveling stories.  I love it when people assume that everyone else lives their life just like them.  He asked me where I was going this summer for vacation.  I’m thinking, “Hello, why do you think I’m dating?  I need a guy who is willing to take me on an all-expense paid trip with him being my travel companion.”  I’d have to see if a friend could get off work, charge a plane ride, hope to stay with someone we know, and be willing to eat cereal rather than go out.  Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but partially true.  Later, he mentioned something about being part of the Gold Club, like mining for gold, and said that they are all “the good old boys” and that turned me off.  That is clearly not my club!  He also interrupted me during my spiel and started talking about something else.  I thought it a rude gesture.  Besides, living third person through a stranger’s stories is not my first choice for engaging with someone I’d like to get to know.  I want to talk about how the other feels about given subjects such as family, work, music, interests . . . am I crazy?  I like to keep some of those tales for another time when we are comparing stories and it is appropriate.

Maybe I just don’t get the whole puffing out the chest and shaking your tail feather for the opposite sex thing.  You know, like a peacock.  I want to be able to be silent in a room with someone and be able to feel the sizzle of energy and chemistry swirling between us.  I want the type of connection with someone where you don’t even need words, you can barely look anywhere else than directly in their eyes, time stops, and you notice nothing else.  Yeah time stopped alright, because I was wondering when he would eat some ice cream and stop talking.

Dating Adam

I’ve missed this!  It has definitely been too long.   Well, I have been dating Adam over the last several weeks and we have had a lot of fun.  We have gone out for food and drinks lots and he always treats, which I really appreciate.  I do expect it, I know that not everyone will provide, but I truly am grateful when they do.  He is really easy to be around and we are very physically attracted to one another.  He lives in this great happening part of town so there is always something to do or somewhere to go.  I’ll play pool or whatever and I usually can impress with some beginner’s luck.  I like to play different games and do activities.  I’ll do most things, except for skydiving, I mean, I do have limits.  So, here we are.  He’s got it going on, I’ve got it going on.  As I said before, he has a great job, awesome condo, good money, attractive . . . and that’s what can lead into the arrogance, the player tendencies, the Peter Pan syndrome, and other undesirable traits.  Okay, I don’t mean to rip him to pieces.  I’m just providing the pros and the cons.  There is always the Yin and the Yang.

I always know in the beginning, a visceral knowledge of what the future of the relationship holds, but I like to check it out and see if things might be different than I imagine they will be.  I knew from the start that with our very different life styles, this could be an odd match.  He loves to party.  He has up to four days off in a row, so he likes to get down.  I don’t know who he must hang out with all day partying.  I know I work Monday through Friday, but I never ask because I don’t really want to know.  We don’t talk about our feelings or what we think about things.  I’m starting to think he doesn’t think much about all that.  I definitely want a more well-rounded man.  I feel that I have a lot to offer and I need someone who can play at my level.  I enjoy quiet time, walks in the park, sitting at a table with candlelight when going to dinner rather than sitting at the bar every time.  I guess that’s the romance talking.  I need a little more than, “Damn you are so hot girl!”  Yes it is nice, but maybe some sweet words about how my hair falls on my neck or something would be nice!  I need to have an intellectual connection with someone as well otherwise, I find myself getting bored.  I want to talk philosophy or about how nature is beautiful.  I don’t want to hear about how the last chick you met online became your friend and that’s who you’re going to the Nuggets game with tonight.
I know that I have high standards and they will remain as such.  I will not settle for any of this half-assed bull shit.  Pardon my French.  By the way, I’d rather have a guy say he doesn’t dance than one who pulls out the “Magic Mike” moves and tries to impress.  It reminds me of this guy in college who we went out with one time.  My friends and I met him and his buddy downtown and he did the same moves all night.  When we were at the bar the other day, Adam even lifted his shirt up to look at his abs in the mirror.  It was too much for me.  I haven’t told him how I feel yet and I’m sure I won’t be as elaborate as I have been here.  We talked about what we want out of the relationship a little yesterday and I said I am ultimately looking for something serious.  I think he knows what is coming.  He even said I shouldn’t like him.  What does that tell you?  I need someone who likes me better than the booze.  If you’re not willing to wait up to be on your best behavior with me, than I have to say, “Next!”

#4 Adam

A few days after meeting the wingman, I met Adam on a Saturday afternoon.  We met at a brewery in Denver and enjoyed good beer and bad food.  He was good looking.  Finally, a guy I was attracted to physically.  This is important if there is to be any chemistry for me.  This attraction can happen in the first meeting or after I’ve gotten to know someone.  He’s taller than me, but not too tall, and he has brown hair and blue eyes, which is a beautiful combo.  He’s 38 years old.  We had a good conversation during which I learned he has a good job, something secret with satellites.  He lives in a great building in a great location, and he has a roommate (best male friend since the fourth grade).  I also learned that he has had lots of girlfriends and has many women friends.  His mom is British and he has a great relationship with her.  So it was a mixed bag, but I had to tell myself, “hey, we’re all human and I need to not count every guy out so quickly.”  I was having a really good time and felt really comfortable with him.  We stayed there for about two and a half hours and I had gotten a little tipsy drinking this really good beer. 

Neither of us wanted the date to be over.  He said I could go by his place and hang out for a little while before I had to drive.  How caring, right?  Yes, there is some sarcasm happening here.  I know what time it is, don’t worry.  I knew exactly what I was doing.  We walked a couple blocks to his condo.  It was nice and well taken care of.  We had the place to ourselves and he gave me the grand tour.  Then, we started kissing and he was really good at that.  I love kissing, so a good kisser is a must!  Then he started complimenting my great body, like really, a lot!  He thought I was the bomb, which I know, but it didn’t hurt to hear it.  Then, against all of my old fashioned wisdom that I’ve inherited from being an old soul, suddenly we *$%*#@!  I think you get my drift.  Yes, there you have it.  The thing is, I didn’t feel badly about it at all.  I guess it’s the influence of the great Madonna and all of my other idols who support women’s liberation.  A girl has needs too.  This whole men can do it, women can’t, is total crap.  Yes, it is nice to get to get to know someone and I do enjoy being courted.  I require it actually.  In today’s world, it’s all about communication.  You tell the guy exactly what you want, such as  “this in no way changes the fact that you are still going to have to take me out and get to know me better.”  Or something like, “Let’s just have some fun.”  It does take some maturity to get to this point.  I’ve found immature men and women can’t handle this.  I used to not be able to handle this.  After some life experience being single and dating, you realize what works for you.  I’m continuing that journey now and definitely am in a whole new chapter.  I may have a Samantha moment here and there.

I had to leave to meet up with my friends, but I wasn’t worried about seeing Adam again.  We actually talked later that night.  I didn’t even have to wait until the next day.  I want to date him and see where it goes.  It may just be for some fun, but that’s alright with me.  “Girls, they want to have fun, oh girls just want to have fun!”  Song lyrics quoted from another great one, the fabulous Cyndi Lauper.  I’ll let you know how our next date goes.  He can’t wait to see me and I’m looking forward to it too! 

P.S. The wingman turned out to be a total whack job.  He continued to contact me after I told him not to.  Then when I told him to back off again, he got furious and called me every name in the book.  He didn’t even stop at that.  I had to threaten him with legalities.  Yeah, it was scary.  That is why we girls cannot tell a man our last name or let him know where we live until we are very certain we can trust him.  

#3 Wingman

Phew! I was busy last week with three guys on the line and trying to keep them straight.  I would call myself a player, but that would be a lie.  I say that due to my reliance on being cute, not my smooth moves, because I am a silly girl at heart.  Besides, once I really like a guy, I don’t want to see anyone else.  Yet, there I was juggling three men like the best of them.  Take that boys!

Here we go with #3.  I messaged with this guy and he pretty quickly gave me his number.  He tried to call, good sign, but wouldn’t leave a message which I thought a little strange since I have a personal greeting.  We got in touch and he kept wanting to know if I’m “open-minded.”  I asked him what all the questioning was about and he explained that he is moving here, but closing on his house in Wisconsin and he’d like to know if I’d hang out with his friend.  Okay, this was a first.  I haven’t experienced the wingman situation in the online dating world, but am very familiar with the norms of this situation at a bar, for example.  You have the wingman come up to you, ask if you’d like to dance with his friend, and then there’s the “interested guy” in the back who smiles and waves.  I was unfamiliar with how to handle it all.  I needed way more clarification.  “So is he your replacement while you’re gone?”  “How would I know if I’m interested in you if I only meet your friend?”  “What if I like your friend?”  I finally came to understand that these two are wingmen for one another and whoever ends up with the lady doesn’t matter.  They are helping each other find a match.

I agreed to meet this wingman because I didn’t get the dangerous vibe and was dying to see what these guys brought to the table, literally.  So, my number was given to the wingman so we could arrange a meeting.  We live a decent distance apart, so we met somewhere in the middle.  As I saw him for the first time, I thought, “Hmm, definitely would have passed him up.”  I then learned that he has a son, which is also one of my deal breakers.  However, the cherry on top of the sprinkles on top of the whip cream on top of the rich chocolate ice cream was . . . wait for it . . . he didn’t know my name!  Let me reiterate this.  Both men had called my number to which I have a lovely greeting that says, “Hi, you’ve reached Sage.  I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave me a message . . .” and you get the rest.  Second, I told the first guy my name in the messages we sent on the website.  His exact words were, “You are Krissy, right?”  I busted out laughing because getting angry was not worth it.  I said, “Did you think you were meeting Krissy?”  He tried to recover by blaming his friend’s negligence and then acted so confused when I told him my actual name.  At this point, I made the decision to enjoy the time together rather than be a total bi-atch.

The funny thing, is that this wingman thought he was smooth enough that I wouldn’t mind his major fumble.  He told me how he can read people, like a gift, which I’m all about, but the whole psychic evaluation was a little much on the first date.  I’d say pull those moves out after you get the girl’s name right and you know she’s into you.  I have to mention that he’s writing a book about the essentials of a great relationship.  If he was so smart, wouldn’t he have realized that he might have screwed this one up?  I guess I’m just so gracious he couldn’t tell.  Ha ha!  Anyway, the guys both tried to contact me after the date and I told them the name thing was the real zinger.  I had to tell them both individually.  They don’t seem to communicate very well for being so close.  Even after I said, “I’m just not interested,” the wingman asked if I’m not interested.  Some guys don’t take it as well.  I know I’m the lucky one here.  I still have hope.  I already met the second guy I had on the line a few days later, last weekend.  More to come about #4.