Down in the Dumps, oh and #5 John

I’m having my first real moment of feeling down amidst this process in which I’m supposed to be happy and on my A-game.  I finally told Adam “to just forget about it.”  I tried dumping him over the phone and when he said, “So I guess I won’t call you again?” . . . I could not handle it.  I stopped him and said, “I don’t want to do this over the phone, let’s talk in person.”  As we all know, actions always speak louder than words.  As it turned out, we never were able to get that meeting together.  He wasn’t giving me the time someone who is interested is more than willing to give, and I could tell that anything I explained about how I felt would be for my benefit only.  Nothing I could say would make the situation any different.  I told him I was disappointed.  I could never tell where he was at anyway.  I mean, was he able to give me what I want and unwilling or not even able in the first place?

I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep going.  I do not want to give up, so I have really been doing some profile searching.  I’ve sent a few messages, but I don’t know what’s going on.  I’m just not connecting with anyone too interesting.  I know that things will ebb and flow, but I’m ready for some qualified bachelors here!  Maybe I should consider having that service re-write my profile.  Kidding!  I couldn’t.  I’m just not sure if mine best represents me.  I should have a girlfriend take a look and see what they say.  It’s kind of personal though.  I really haven’t shown mine to anyone I know.  I’ll see if I can muster up the courage.

Moving on . . . I met #5, John, Saturday afternoon for ice cream.  I do love ice cream, so I went for it.  I just didn’t feel anything with this guy.  No chemistry and he talked so much about himself that I was bored and unimpressed with all of his traveling stories.  I love it when people assume that everyone else lives their life just like them.  He asked me where I was going this summer for vacation.  I’m thinking, “Hello, why do you think I’m dating?  I need a guy who is willing to take me on an all-expense paid trip with him being my travel companion.”  I’d have to see if a friend could get off work, charge a plane ride, hope to stay with someone we know, and be willing to eat cereal rather than go out.  Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but partially true.  Later, he mentioned something about being part of the Gold Club, like mining for gold, and said that they are all “the good old boys” and that turned me off.  That is clearly not my club!  He also interrupted me during my spiel and started talking about something else.  I thought it a rude gesture.  Besides, living third person through a stranger’s stories is not my first choice for engaging with someone I’d like to get to know.  I want to talk about how the other feels about given subjects such as family, work, music, interests . . . am I crazy?  I like to keep some of those tales for another time when we are comparing stories and it is appropriate.

Maybe I just don’t get the whole puffing out the chest and shaking your tail feather for the opposite sex thing.  You know, like a peacock.  I want to be able to be silent in a room with someone and be able to feel the sizzle of energy and chemistry swirling between us.  I want the type of connection with someone where you don’t even need words, you can barely look anywhere else than directly in their eyes, time stops, and you notice nothing else.  Yeah time stopped alright, because I was wondering when he would eat some ice cream and stop talking.

Dating Adam

I’ve missed this!  It has definitely been too long.   Well, I have been dating Adam over the last several weeks and we have had a lot of fun.  We have gone out for food and drinks lots and he always treats, which I really appreciate.  I do expect it, I know that not everyone will provide, but I truly am grateful when they do.  He is really easy to be around and we are very physically attracted to one another.  He lives in this great happening part of town so there is always something to do or somewhere to go.  I’ll play pool or whatever and I usually can impress with some beginner’s luck.  I like to play different games and do activities.  I’ll do most things, except for skydiving, I mean, I do have limits.  So, here we are.  He’s got it going on, I’ve got it going on.  As I said before, he has a great job, awesome condo, good money, attractive . . . and that’s what can lead into the arrogance, the player tendencies, the Peter Pan syndrome, and other undesirable traits.  Okay, I don’t mean to rip him to pieces.  I’m just providing the pros and the cons.  There is always the Yin and the Yang.

I always know in the beginning, a visceral knowledge of what the future of the relationship holds, but I like to check it out and see if things might be different than I imagine they will be.  I knew from the start that with our very different life styles, this could be an odd match.  He loves to party.  He has up to four days off in a row, so he likes to get down.  I don’t know who he must hang out with all day partying.  I know I work Monday through Friday, but I never ask because I don’t really want to know.  We don’t talk about our feelings or what we think about things.  I’m starting to think he doesn’t think much about all that.  I definitely want a more well-rounded man.  I feel that I have a lot to offer and I need someone who can play at my level.  I enjoy quiet time, walks in the park, sitting at a table with candlelight when going to dinner rather than sitting at the bar every time.  I guess that’s the romance talking.  I need a little more than, “Damn you are so hot girl!”  Yes it is nice, but maybe some sweet words about how my hair falls on my neck or something would be nice!  I need to have an intellectual connection with someone as well otherwise, I find myself getting bored.  I want to talk philosophy or about how nature is beautiful.  I don’t want to hear about how the last chick you met online became your friend and that’s who you’re going to the Nuggets game with tonight.
I know that I have high standards and they will remain as such.  I will not settle for any of this half-assed bull shit.  Pardon my French.  By the way, I’d rather have a guy say he doesn’t dance than one who pulls out the “Magic Mike” moves and tries to impress.  It reminds me of this guy in college who we went out with one time.  My friends and I met him and his buddy downtown and he did the same moves all night.  When we were at the bar the other day, Adam even lifted his shirt up to look at his abs in the mirror.  It was too much for me.  I haven’t told him how I feel yet and I’m sure I won’t be as elaborate as I have been here.  We talked about what we want out of the relationship a little yesterday and I said I am ultimately looking for something serious.  I think he knows what is coming.  He even said I shouldn’t like him.  What does that tell you?  I need someone who likes me better than the booze.  If you’re not willing to wait up to be on your best behavior with me, than I have to say, “Next!”